The Day I Lost My Mind

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June 30, 2013 by genelup

I had never taken drugs before, but I did in Marrakech. It was the most terrifying time of my life. I thought I was going insane. Mike and Wolfgang, two German guys I was travelling with, wanted to buy hash, which I learned later is made from Kief, the resin collected from cannabis flowers; the primary substance is THC (tetrahydrocannabinol).

We each bought a hash “brownie” and ate them.  We sat at a café drinking mint tea (the national drink in Morocco) and waiting for it to take effect.  Everything was fine for a few minutes, and then something happened in my mind.  I had no control of my brain; it was if my mind was floating out above me and I couldn’t connect with it.

I lit a match, and watched it burn for about 30 seconds.  I commented to Mike and Wolfgang that the match was just burning on its end, it wasn’t burning down the wooden stem at all.  I blew the fire out and only the tip of the match had burned.  How could that be that the match burned for what seemed like 30 seconds and it hardly charred the end of the match at all.

I lost control of reality.  I started to panic.  We started to walk back to our hotel.  Mike and Wolfgang began talking in German, and I felt so alone.  I was in a strange country with Arabs all around me, my friends there were turning their backs on me and excluded me from their conversations and I wondered what I should do.  Somehow, I thought if my mind didn’t clear up I would try to find a hospital and check myself in.  Maybe a doctor would take this poison out of my system.

I went to bed, by head swirling in confusion. I was ready to scream. I don’t remember…but I must have prayed. I grew up going to church, but in the last several years I lost my faith and interest in church and God. I concluded I was an agnostic, so God wouldn’t care and probably wouldn’t even listen to my prayer. My only hope was to find a doctor in this strange land where I didn’t know anyone to help me.

Excerpt from my book, “My Life Shattered then it got worse, until…” p. 83: 

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